When we met at orientation, I hated you. I deemed you bossy, bitchy, irritating... only to discover later that it is because you have the same strong, dominant personality as I do.
I cannot get involved with you - do you understand that?
You remind me of a friend I once had. It's uncanny how much you are like her. Both swimmers (though you are the better one), both achievers in cultural and academic activities as well. The two of you have the same mannerisms, the same way of speaking, the same loud, outgoing personality.
Both supposedly insecure inside, but both super confident and intimidating on the outside.
Yet it is also uncanny how alike you and I are. We have been through so much of the same. We have the same relationship-life at the moment. The same sense of ambition and DRIVE. We enjoy the same activities, people, events, music, thoughts.
But I cannot get involved with you - do you understand that?
I know that we would be great friends. I know how well we would get along.
But I have these hooks that need to be attached to people, this neediness to make me feel good enough... and you have these holes in your life, and I will attach myself to you, and you might not be wanting that.
You do not realise it, but you are the stronger of the two of us. I can see myself lying to you, just to seem worthy to you, just to prove that I have been through enough pain and suffering to merit your acceptance.
I can see myself feeling inferior to you, I can see myself forgetting what I have achieved and done and what I am worth.
I can see our friendship being unhealthy, because I have been this way before. You see, that friend I had once, she really was so much like you. And I know, I know that the same thing that happened between me and her, is likely to happen betweeen us. Because, really, both of us are so needy.
And I am unsure that 7 years of healing has been enough to prepare me for another deep friendship, I am unsure if I have matured enough to be different, this time.
