Update

I've been on camp since Monday - but it was horrible and for the first time in my life I left a camp before the end. I think it has something to do with my gradual loss of faith... everybody was so on fire for God and to me it just seemed so... I don't know.

CRM and I fought. He's seeing that stupid child this weekend and my trust and his anger and and and... it was horrible. He slapped me... I hit and punched and scratched him first... I tried to break up with him but I couldn't.

I've cried so much. I wish I could see him cry, or care, or something...

I don't know if we'll last forever and with every day that goes by I know I will hurt even more if we break up... but I can't.

Oh lord.

I can't.

I need clarity. I need care, tenderness, love in action and not just in words.

Oh lord.

Please.