It hurts

CRM and I fought. Friday. Saturday. Sunday. AND today.

It hurts. You don't know how much I have cried.
I tried to break up with him... but I know that even though life is hell with him, it will be even worse without him. And he didn't even seem to be hurt by the fact that I want to break up. I asked him to give me a reason not to break up... and he flatly refused.

Then today he was feeling down and snapped at me for no reason and when I told him not to, he flipped and told me to fuck off because he doesn't want to talk to me anymore.

Today was supposed to be our eleven months... I don't think he even knows.
And I'm not going to mention it to him because he might fight. Again.
I made such a change to my behaviour yesterday and it still wasn't good enough.

I'm so tired of crying! I'm so tired of his SHIT!

Why don't I break up with him?
Because I love him. Because I think I know the real him.

Because I am too scared of realizing that breaking up won't bother him???

To top it off, the parents are also being mean... I am learning to shut up, it goes by quicker that way. ALthough it maybe hurts more.

CNM is here to be a friend, I am glad. We're studying together and she held me and let me cry earlier when I needed it.

I am ready to leave for university now, I am ready now to start a new life.

But I am so sad about CRM... I miss how we used to be.

And now I'm crying again.